Vent

Forreal though, I have nobody to tell things anymore. Atleast without me feeling like they're gonna mess things up or because I think they'll have some sort of opinion on me. It's hard, no lie... I feel lonly sometimes, but I know i have people to talk to. I know they wanna be there for me, but it's like I'm not letting them be there for me, if that makes any sense.
I wanna make things right with everybody, but some things are just holding me back. I don't wanna hide that anymore. But I really don't mean to, this goes out to a lot of you people. I feel like some people want to be closer to me, maybe because we were before... PROBABLY because we were before, but I feel like it's because of me that I can't let that happen. I don't want to say I have trust issues, but I think I do. And it's eating me alive. I'm only hurting myself because I isolate myself so much from friends because I don't let them know what's going on in my life anymore, and that makes us NOT close. I know that some people will always be there for me, I know that there ARE people that I could trust with becoming close to and shit... so why am I not letting myself do that? I'm hella confused. But all I do know is that I want to make things better, for myself and everybody else that cares for me. It's hard. I don't know what made me like this, maybe it's just school itself, or maybe it's just my own stress, but whatever it is... I didn't realize it 'till now and I only wish that I couldn't stopped the process. I bet if I didn't cloud myself so much before, I could've been a lot happier with everything that's going on right now. Not that I'm not happy, but I could be happier. Things could be better. Or maybe I'm not happy with how things are right now...

It''s kinda hard to make out, I'm trying to break it all down and figure it out piece by piece. But i have been noticing better days. Better things happening for me. I'm getting closer with my relatives, I made it into show Choir, I'm joining forensics (and I'm pretty excited about it), and I'm slowly seeing familiar faces more often now that I'm trying to open myself out again. I'm seeing it, I'm sick of feeling sad. I think it's because I ponder a lot over the things that I can't have in my life, and I focus my interests in those particular things that I don't find room in my days to be appreciative about what I already have, or more like WHO i already have. I wonder why I'm just realizing this at this very moment... Maybe i had to type everything down slowly for me to actually break it down and figure it out. I can't be sad at the end of the year like this, I know who I am and what I'm capable of. I KNOW that I can just brush shit off. Why aren't I doing it? Where did all my pride go?

Man, what's going on?

we'll never worry anymore.. . On an island in the sun.

UC Irvine straight up? or SF State first?
Forensics? or No?
Friendship? or Nah?
Laggin'? Progressing?
Procrastinating? GETTING SHIT DONE?
Excited? Sad?
Forgive? Forget? Both?
Yes or No?
Am I this? or Aren't I?
Do i miss you? or Honestly don't I?
Do you want it? or Don't you?

Two weeks.. Just two more and everything will be done.
I'm tired. Of everything.
Things are getting better though, I'm making sure of that :) I Am happy.




... but Am I okay? or Aren't I?

What a night.

To all that came: It was fun.

It was Lee, Renjie, Kevin, Zack, Devin, Thanh, Ian, Gabe, Paulo, Liz, Kayla, Mario, Shawn, Eden, Joanna, and myself.

Finally, a post with pictures.





Don't know what the hell Thanh was doing haha






Gone...





Also gone...







0'10 Show Choir... damn haha

Darkness

HAHAHA



Everybody just loves flippin' off the camera.
Have a good day.

Blue vests and dresses.

I made it into Show Choir, Thank god. I can't wait for next year now, That class is gonna be hella crackin. Congratulations to everybody else who made it. Show Choir 0'10!

And thank you to everybody that congratulated me..

This is my nigga, Kyrzti BongBong.
No I don't like her like that, No we don't go out, No we don't talk.
She's just always there.


Hella ugly. haha, love you tho.

peace.

Beasty beauty

Show Choir post tomorrow mornin, Cross 'em up.
Spring vocal concert went smoooooooth.

In n' Out after, haha damn.
4x4 plus Two orders of flying dutchman's. BEAST.
back to a diet, Kevin and Renj too.

Forensics meeting afterschool, pretty excited.
School is pretty much done with...
No parents at the house this weekend, what's good B?

haha peace everybody.

Howdoyoudo?

Back.
Hello everyone.
This is Kerks speaking.
Miss me? Even just a little?
How about now?
Cause i damn sure missed you :)

Anyway, so i'm coming to realize how life for me is right now. I've been blinded by so many things that i haven't actually stopped to ask myself if everything was how i wanted it to be or if it seemed right... LITERALLY blind.
Oppurtunuties have been flying across my face for the longest time, but i was too blind to see or too ignorant to take.
Thinking now, that if i would've acted on these "oppurtunities" a long time ago, things WOULD be better for me. I'm not saying that things aren't good for me, but they could possibly be better.
And i hate to admit, but i don't like the way I am. . . Myself in general. Like, if i was someone else and one day met me, i wouldn't be too "WOW'd" know what i mean?
I wanna change, i wanna be a different and better person. But of course still be Kerks, i mean, c'mon who doesn't love him? HAHA, but ON THE REAL THO... haha. I wanna be a little more different...

-Spring concert tomorrow
-I want my Senior ball pictures. Yes i went.
-Show choir try-out results will be put up on Wednesday. YEE!

Btw, i'm really gonna miss you seniors. Forreal. Some in particular. . .

BRB ma'am/sir

Raindrops are fallin' on my head

I just realized i made a very smart investment in purchasing my ukulele :)

Ease your mind fellow stressers. .

Lalalala mi Amor singin spanish.

No time at all to post, too much things going on right now...
Mad, sad, but mostly confused. I need to straighten everything out, but when i try to, i don't seem too happy..

Everything's a mess. I'll fix it.

Waiting in vein/ Beautiful creation. for ya' entertainment. Enjoy!


You're a jerk!